The Road Trip Part 1: Driving Through The Outback

*Note: the quotations in this story are things we actually said to each other, documented in my notebook and on my phone. Also, Harris is the only person who has ever spent this much time with Maria and I alone. According to him, we are not nearly as funny as we think we are. Harris's side of the story here.

Early in the week, Harris suggested that we take a road trip up to Cairns (pronounced "Cans", unless you're Harris and then its "Carns" even after being corrected by locals). His flight to Palau was leaving on Monday night, so we decided to leave on Saturday morning and take a little detour and see the Undara Lava Tubes out to the West. 

At 6 AM on Saturday, we began packing up our things in anticipation for the cab’s arrival to take us to the rental car building. Harris offered to drive, and Maria was sitting up front and had been given the task of navigating because it was likely that I wouldn’t be paying much attention to what was going on and Maria tends to be better with things like reading maps and being observant. I was camped out in the back with the bags (and a bag of twizzlers that I was hoarding), on the passenger’s side of the car. Obviously, I forgot several important things, so once we got the rental car, Harris was kind enough to go back to the dorm before heading out.

Navigator and the Driver.

The car.

In Australia, the driver is on the right side of the car and rides the left side of the road. Based on Harris’ driving, this change could be assumed to be incredibly hard to handle, as he spent most of his time with the car hovering on or over the white line on the passengers side. Maria was kind enough to point this out to Harris on more than one occasion.

Kelley: "You have no idea where you are going."

Harris: “It’s okay, Maria is here, so we’ll get there.”

Maria: “Only if you stay in your lane.”

We started our journey by heading north to go to the Frosty Mango, which apparently had the best ice cream in Queensland.

The Frosty Mango

Ice cream for breakfast. Yum.

Contemplating Harris-y things whilst eating mint ice cream
("It tasted like toothpaste.")

After we had ice cream, Maria opened her car door and a plastic bag flew out. Being the environmentalist that she is, she chased it down. Being the great friend I am, I took pictures.

Noooo it's getting away!

Not the napkin, too!

We got back into the car and headed south, to go to Paluma, which had beautiful rainforest views and some waterfalls. We pulled up to one waterfall and got out to go look and take some pictures. I was leading the way, and looking down as I navigated through the rocks.

M: “Kelley, stop.”

K: “What?”

H: “People are skinny dipping over there.”

A family with a small daughter were in fact skinny dipping underneath the waterfall. Keep in mind, this waterfall was right by the road, so there wasn't any seclusion or protection from passing cars.

We turned around immediately, and started walking downstream, taking pictures that didn’t include naked people.

Not pictured: naked people on the other side of the bridge.

Contemplating more Harris-y things.

When we finished the photo shoot, we climbed back up the hill and stopped at the restroom facilities. Maria was hesitant to go in the bathroom, and had to investigate before committing. Then she locked herself in and couldn't open the door.

Real fear.

When she managed to get herself out, we got back in the car and continued driving up the windy road with Harris consistently riding the white line and running over large sticks and branches. At one point, a stick got lodged in the rear bumper and he had to get out to remove it.

Checking for damages.

Removing the large stick/small tree from the bumper.

We made it to the top of the mountain, and looked out at the breathtaking view.

A few minutes later, we heard voices. It was the naked couple from before, only now they were wearing clothes. We walked away briskly and went back to the car to decide what to do for lunch. As we sat waiting, the couple walked by and actually spoke to us.

“Too cold for a swim, eh?”

We laughed uncomfortably, and they got back into their car with their daughter and drove off.

We then started heading down the winding road. After running over a particularly large branch and hearing us complain, Harris spoke up.

H: “I don’t think I hit that branch on the way up here.”

K: “Harris, I don’t think there is a branch you didn’t hit on the way up here.”

We managed to make it down alive. Harris turned back onto the highway.

M: “Harris?”

H: “Yea?”

M: “You’re on the wrong side of the road.”

So began the long drive to the Undara Lava tubes, where we would be spending the night at a campsite. This required a lengthy drive through the Australian Outback. The landscape was beautiful, and reminded me of the land in West Texas, only instead of dead deer on the roads, there were dead kangaroos.

Looks like Texas to me.

Whenever we saw living kangaroos, Harris slowed down on the highway (we were literally the only people on the road) so we could take pictures.

At one point, we found a large bird in the tall grass by the road. We though it might have been a Cassowary, so I decided to get out of the car to investigate.

NOTE: Cassowaries are large birds native to Australia that can grow up to 6 feet tall. They look incredibly reptilian, and we were really hoping to see some when we stayed at the Cassowary House near Cairns the following evening. They are one of two species of birds that have been responsible for human fatalities.

It wasn’t a Cassowary.

Not a Cassowary. 

Yay for still being alive.

As we continued, we came across a “Historical Monument”, which Harris just had to stop at.

It was literally six columns of granite with information about how the road was built.

There was a map, and we looked at it to try and see if there would be any food coming up.

We spent awhile trying to calculate how long it would be until we found food.

M: “There’s a picture of a knife and fork!”

H: “That must mean food!”

M: “Or cannibals.”

We came across a gas station, and stopped to eat lunch. 

Maria: "Well, I need all three!"

I got a beef burger, and Maria got a chicken burger that was generously filled with both white and dark meat. Harris and I both got some undercooked fries as well.

We got back on the road. The car was listing again to the left, and occasionally a loud *brrrrrrr* would emit from the tires running over the grooves in the white line. Harris was chastising us again for our complaining at his driving. Maria spoke up.

H: “I am a safe driver at all times.”

M: “You are off the white line, at all times.”

*Brrrrrrrrr*

We broke out into uproarious laughter as his tendency to go left was undeniably proven (with impeccable timing). Harris ignored us (theme of the weekend).

After we had ridden for about 200 kilometers, Harris made a discovery that changed the course of the weekend.

H: “Oh, the parking brake was on.”

The legendary parking brake. 

Maria and I laughed hysterically, and marveled at how we were still alive and the car was able to take us this far. Harris insisted that the break must be broken, because the car wasn’t driving differently after the brake had been disengaged. Our laughter eventually died down, and we instead focused on being sad at all the road kill on the sides of the road.

M: “That was ripe.”

Harris asked Maria to find an area that we just passed on the map. She looked, but decided it wasn’t there. I had a look, and agreed with her that it didn’t appear to be on the map. Harris pulled over on the side of the road, and looked for himself, also discovering that the map didn’t show it.

This angered Maria.

M: “If you weren’t going to listen to my navigation advice, then one of us should have driven and then you could navigate.”

H: “No, women can’t drive.”

M: “Harris! You’ve almost killed us 13 times! And that’s not an exaggeration!”

Eight hours after leaving Townsville, we pulled up into a surprisingly nice campsite. Maria and I patiently waited outside as Harris checked us in and got us linens. 

Hippies...

I was super comfortable.

Yayyy I have no room.

We then drove over to the permanent tents, and unloaded our bags. That’s when the real fun began.